Not happy all the time? Read this one

Not happy all the time? Read this one

(strong article, consider yourself warned)


I`m shure your not as happy as I am! Of course not, we are happy in so many ways! We define being happy in so many ways! Your kind of `happiness` is certainly not my kind of happiness, and why should it be?  Would that make you more happy? Probably, but not me.

We get happy from different things.


So boring if we all were the same...


I feel happy when I see the sun burst out through the sky - I mean - I FEEL I AM LIVING! For many people is this  

`feeling the now` what true happiness is all about.

A sense of being present in our daily life.

So why is there so many unhappy souls out there?

Your one of them? I`ll send you the




Often how our day starts can trigger our personal happiness for the rest of this days joy. We can say `he stood up on the wrong side of the bed or on the wrong foot` - talking about someones bad mood - and we accept this as a fact thinking `this can happen to everyone` when in fact the most unhappy people of them all seem to spiral, they wake up unhappy day after day - and so on. Thinking this is the way life is meant to be for them, and so they go on, they keep on living and believing

- confirming for themselves every day that this

is just the way their life are!

Is this you? 





How do I know all this? Because this was me the exact same before! I also discovered I could change my thinking ( so much left to blog about) AND I also discovered how many others thought the same way as I once did.

Once upon a time...

(  a part of a horrible story)



Once upon a time there was this girl, and she felt everything so very intensely. She got up each and every day - not knowing why she was feeling unhappy. She had that kind of anxiety who made her have the most extreme panic attack. She was afraid of dying, she was afraid of walking outside. I think the only thing she was not so afraid of was breathing... hey, wait a little.

OH NO - she was that too. Oh yes - this girl was so afraid of being just alive... <- headline point later on in this article.


This was me more than many/ several years ago. How I came to this place of darkness contains a lot of different stories, I promise I will share more than one or two ( or thousand) another day - at the right time. When is the right time? It`s now.


This is also the right time for you to be happy.


A little part of my story is about this girl who was seeing life from a different aspect. From she was very young she KNEW she was talented - she also knew she could talk to everyone... seing them being gifted too. Still, along the way she stopped believing in herself. She had been listening to what others felt they had to say ( people who had given up on their dreams) and this girl was experiencing some things in her life no child should, and as going from a child to a young woman - she experienced more and more, you guessed me right... and some more of these similar experiences. For many years she blamed those around her, those people who did not help her, and also the people who did. Could they not have done more? LIFE WAS SO UNFAIR... - this girl thought. She did not realize she just had to believe she deserved better... until she did, and things got better. Beforehand she should experience intense anxiety, panic attacks, depression, eating disorders, body pain, PTSD... and the list goes on from here - to the point when her body shut down completely and she was no more able to walk. At this time most of her past experiences were dealt with, now she had finally the time .... to work what she has experienced in her past life <- a bunch of good stories there! So much blogging to do...


I`m sharing with you out there - this short version of a small story of my life. I could have written the most blody parts of my life down, but I`ll spare you for those outrageous details. I choose to not go that deep in... to inspire you... but I will share some details with you.

A part of my life.

I think this is important to share - so I can reach those who have some of the same experiences, not knowing how to go on with their life from where they stand now.





Be ready, or get out of my blog. This is not my gentleness writing, this is the ghost of some of my lived experiences, and yes...  apart from any happy way of my sharing you are used to.




Once upon a time, heck, let`s skip that part and dive right into this #hit (sorry my language) who made some part of the person I am today. I am a girl who have been abused. As a little girl, grown up people did go to far over my body limits, so I never got to set those healthy limits for myself. I thought for myself for a long time - I was just my body and those skills <- that people told me was never going to get me anywhere...

All but hopelessness left in ones body in other words.

So I thought back then. Different people who I looked up to as a little girl also abused me more - in other ways... They told me I was no good, laughed at me, told me to be quiet, did not let me play, I should not cry ( not very easy being a sensitive child as I was) I was barely allowed to exist... it certainly felt that way! At the same time - I was SENSITIVE so I FELT what other people around me was feeling.


So what did I do as I became older ( and still so young) I ran to a man who I thought was my sign of freedom. He was so funny, made everybody laugh, he seemed to always be smiling - he had many good qualities. Behind closed doors though... he had even more hidden qualities. This man abused me physically and mentally for over three years.


So, why do I need to share this with you? Consider these pointers - are this article ment for you, have you lived with violence? Surpassed your own feelings to survive? I hear from now and then about similar situations as my own. Men and girls who have experienced their closest one ( who was supposed to love them) abused them both mentally and sexually. What makes another person able to do this? They are in fact surpressing their own needs, they feel so hurt themselves that the only thing they know how to do - is to let somebody else feel the same pain. This does not make their pain go away. They extend their own hurt on to others.


We can never accomplish anything in hurting anyone...



I want to tell you this... What ever happened...


This was not your fault!


You came into this life - already chosen to experience what you were about to - YOU can TEACH and make other people understand - so they again can help someone escaping these kind of similar situation.


 You must decide though...

Will you be that `hurted person` forever in this life?

Or will you move on... and





It`s in fact not easy to wright those last letters above my movie. Snap, forgot to put the movie in! Aaah, there you`ll have it. Where was I? AHA. I know you - who have been through some of the similar as I have. You think it`s really HARD to read those last word up above. Right? They may even seem ridicules to you, am I right? Why is it so?



It`s more easy to believe the witches fly in broad daylight ( as they did in my dream last night) It`s more easy to believe my cat`s are getting food from the neighbors as well as their own snack from me ( in fact I think they do !) It`s more easy to believe Michael Jackson is really alive. He is sitting there discussing his new lyrics with Elvis Presley - who is taking a sip of this cup - while their having their fun tea party!


Well, you get the idea... I want you to know I KNOW it`s not that easy - it`s obvious that this is the right thing to do. Teal Swan talk about this ( and I`ve made some videos on youtube about this too - gonna translate some more of them to english later on, okey?) we talk about enjoying the 


If you are living with PTSD your mind are probably skipping back in memories while you are reading this. You are trying to escape what I am writing - because it reminds you of those nasty memories of yours. 




I want to  applaud you for choosing to be alive! You have come all this way ( there is a reason!) maybe not ever felt love for yourself! I love you just for exactly that reason - in fact I LOVE THE UNLOVABLE. They deserve the most of our love ( but hey, I don`t want to be with people who treat me in a bad manner either) Let`s take a deep breath again. Did you do it? Once more please!


BREEEEATH into the here & now...


Good... remember you do this for yourself. In our society today we all NEED to feel MORE ALIVE right now. I`m finishing pictures in a BIG children book nowadays - and this is a book filled with NATURE and HAPPINESS! I am mentioning this - because nature brings us more back to ourselves - nature makes us grow in our body. I know you need too. If you are a free spirit like me - YOU HAVE TO DO IT, or even if your a rat sitting at the office every day, or... you are sick from all the aches in your body - because of the damage someones caused on your body... and soul.


It never was my body that felt the most of pain - it was my brain


I see people write about others who have hurted them - and so they hurt them right back - making them hurt too.. when they are in fact


1 In desperation for getting some understanding


2 Really trying to reach out so others can get help


I hope you guessed I`m trying to fit into that latter category. So why do people describe such horrible stories to such a depth? They are hiding their hurt, or have - they will NOT do that anymore. Only people who have experienced similar situations can understand them truly... and, they know that this is the way to reach out to people at that same level as they once were. Because someone who has never experienced anything like this will be shocked! The person they are trying to reach though... will understand, not feeling that shocked over the content/ descriptions in what they are reading - they must carry their hurts anyway.


This is my way of writing this, because you can be in two categories ( probably more, but let`s do this the easy way )


1 The person who know EXACTLY what I mean


2 The person who understand what I mean


3 Yes I know you are out there - not fitting in any of these categories, but let`s keep this simple, without me being unfair. Your in `that `category. <POINTING> Okey...?


To person 1 I`d like to say: I`m deeply sorry you had to go through all that #hit that you did ( always making new music) You did not deserve this. Try in this moment to (yes) breathe, and then look around.

Back to what Teal Swan also says - being in the now.

Ask yourself this


`What is good/ beautiful/ brings out a 

good feeling in me in this EXACT MOMENT?`


To person 2 I`d like to say: What are you doing here? Just kidding. Thank you for being here, you are an important part of this journey - maybe the next time you see someone `oversharing` just a tad to much... maybe you can give them a break? If they hurt you... know that they must be feeling this hurt inside of themselves. In fact it may have NOTHING to do about who you are in this world at all.


So often - our hurt has nothing to do about others - and so much to do about ourselves!


To person 3 Really? Still here? I send you lot`s of love though. You have the courage to stay against your will...

Or could your curiosity come from something else?

A reason you are still here?

Only you can truly know the answer to these questions.









Oh, my sweet Toga - such a happy soul!

To all of you... so often when people are upset/mad/sad and say it is because of us - they are the ones having these feeling inside. As I wrote above - as a sensitive child I could not understand I was feeling what others was feeling. I remember thinking `Why am I mad when I am not?` I always talk about this exercise... looking in your mirror - telling you love yourself. A shout out for Louise L. Hays! I will not suggest this particular exercise because I know you person 1 are so NOT in tune with your own body. What truly makes you happy lies within your knowing. What did you love as a child? This is not so easy to handle if your experiencing PTSD ( or other stress related symptoms of your body reacting for holding back so much for to long) your unconscious will NOT let you escape now as you have started this process of `letting it all out`... You cannot handle thinking about something good in your life - without all the burdens of less happy times letting out... 







YES, YOU ARE HERE NOW! You are MEANT to be feeling this way, it may certainly not feel like it - but this will be healthy for you in the long run. Your mind is trying to find back to

the real you.


Who is the real you? The one you came here to be. 


You have come so far, there is so much strength resting in you. I do not have a solution. I truly wish I could take your pain away, knowing you may have to live with some of the pain in your body... not anybody knowing - living and accepting your body is bruised forever in this life - just as mine is. You cannot see this on my body or face.... SO I AM THANKFUL for that. I`m also glad you are here reading this, I can assure you things will get better. I know how you feel crushed - you who once were filled with so much  hopes, JOY and dreams.

You came to my page for a reason.

So I give you a little hope of mine.


I know I came here to SHARE. It is SO FUN to being noticed - a knowing that some people are enjoying my writing - the same reason for me writing will alway lie behind though... I am happy as I know I can reach just ONE PERSON. If you are reading this, then I guess that this must be you. You deserve to live a good life! I know you see others fulfilling their dreams, and here you find yourself sobbing? You don`t want to get out of your house or apartment. You say no to invites from people who love you. You don`t trust them, you don`trust anybody. HEY, you don`t even trust yourself... who became that doormat someone walked all over... Am I right? It`s all fine... you will get to this place where you can find peace within.


Look around

Go into nature

Say to yourself


`This feeling shall pass `


Someones thinks the world of you!


Remember you are not that alone - in fact we ALL are alone, being stuck in our bodies. My soul is always climbing out at night -  I wake up exhausted... and happy I`m a alive. So happy I`m alive. Why? Am I the most richest of them all? Maybe, because when you discover YOU create your own happiness - you will always have the access to it - in any circumstance!

I wake up being grateful for just opening up my eyes in the morning - I know I am lucky, many of those situations I experienced could have lead me to not being here at all.


So thank you universe.


I am happy to be in this exact moment. Knowing I am me. Knowing I can create a better life for myself. Knowing I am grateful anyway - for just being alive. We can look at Michael Jackson and Elvis - thinking they were so great, thinking

`that will never be me` That`s good. They are RIP... DEAD. 


YOU ARE HERE NOW, and you are...



Maybe you are the next superhero? Or if you have survived the most horrible things... I guess you already are... Just remind yourself of that. You are you. That is good enough for now. We did not come to this planet just to work all our life`s...  





You should know this by now - your not that alone

I know you